The sun is really streaming in my window today, I hate that!

Especially as it’s a normal sun, doesn’t have any of that lovely purple haze around it, which is easier on my eyes.

You know, I much prefer it when it’s hammering down, you know, when the rain is really beating against the window, almost tapping out the base beat of one of those Old School, Summer of Love tunes.

Any kind of rain is okay really, as long as it isn’t that nasty yellow burning stuff that would take the enamel off your dentures. I like to be ‘all snug’ in my chair with preferably no visitors to disturb me. You know the type, they think they’re keeping you ‘active’ and who insist on shuffling me to the holosuite to pretend to look at mountains, parks and grazing sheep.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to see the kids and the grandkids but on a day like that I like to look out my window and fish around in my mind for the good memories or look at my DS Visual Board and pick one of my fantasy stories to read in silence.

The silence can be so comforting, just like my old bed cardigan, the soft woolly one; you remember it had that funny zip that seemed to close at an angle.

Still love Lord of the Rings and can’t wait to see what the new film version will be like. Now Victor Mortesson he was lovely; and that kiss he gave at the end to the Fairy, Elf Lady – definitely tongue; and do you know what, he’s still on my ‘Five List’ of people I’m allowed to have sex with. Pretty impossible considering he’s been dead for 20 years but you know me and – I like what I like and maybe they’ll invent a time machine!

Think the actress was called Libby Tyler or was it Ebby? Something like that, very pretty, good actress, did great work for the War Effort.

On those wet days, that new fella whose got no legs from smoking stays in his room, and doesn’t hark-on about the war and how things were a lot simpler in his days. You’d have thought he would have given the fags up when the government first started warning about the dangers, let alone when they ran out during the war and they substituted the tobacco for dried compost.

What was I saying?

Oh yes, the weather.

Well anyway today when I logged onto the current news, there was the most ridiculous story about a group of people that decided the best way to help the earth was to start a revolution by putting back all of its natural resources; so they removed some local stone walls and statues with the intention of burying them! That was bad enough but fancy trying to steal those ladies jewellery, as if putting gold and diamonds back into the ground would make a difference – bloody fools!

Still, gotta give them credit for breaking-out of their order of things, not ruled by guidelines and moral promises – I can’t remember the last time I had a real milky bar of chocolate or smelt proper coffee.

I used to love Walnut Wips! All creamy with a nut on top – lovely. Haven’t been able to get them in years. Probably contra banded under Moral Promise 15 – Promise to Endeavour to Follow and Lead by Example the Guidelines of Natural Hygiene.

What was I saying?

Oh yes, the newspaper.

It was also talking about the thirty-year anniversary of the war – so many dead. After all this time it still gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see the news and it announces ‘Breaking News’. It said there were still hundreds of kilometres of land that was still contaminated with the chemicals and thousands of children and animals still being born with defects, not just there but right the way across the globe.

All in the name of God – as if!

At least some lessons have been learned, the newspapers don’t say what god or religion it was, rather it’s touted as ‘the actions of the uneducated’.

Next week the family is taking me out for my 90th Birthday.It’s going to be a huge affair with the local titties coming to give a speech just cause I’m so old and ‘made-it’. Wait a minute, that’s not the word… dignitaries that’s it… though titties is probably more appropriate.

Well anyway, there’s going to be a cake, probably made from dried eggs, it’ll set my digestion off again I know it and back to more tablets to try and get me to go. Oooh I wonder if they’ll give me another one of those green and white pills, I like those. You can really see the colours then.

What was I saying?

Oh yes, my birthday.

All that fuss, just because I was a timid little thing who when they said eat healthy and exercise regularly I did – in hindsight I wish I had lived it up a bit more.

I’m also being awarded some air miles but you know how it is, too old to be running around at airports with all those checks they make, even though the Identity Cards help a little.

I think I’ll probably give them to Ruth and Joe, they’ve already sold their entitlement for this year to pay for the extension and they’re goods kids, always make time for me and let me know all the gossip that’s going on.

I mean last week they told me Cousin Agatha had been having a thing with the neighbour. Funny looking thing, Agatha not the neighbour – I always wondered whether those funny eyes of hers were due to the x-chemicals. Ruth laughed and said that was normal in her family, a trait they called it. More like a travesty if you ask me.

(Sigh)

Do you remember when you could fly anytime, anywhere? No allocation of air miles, just log on, pay and off you went. We should have travelled more, but we never did. Always skint. Now I’m loaded and can’t be bothered. So since this allocation scheme was introduced I either give them to the kids or sell them. Someone always wants them, and yes, don’t worry I always get a good credit for them.

Well anyway Aggie’s man-friend was sent to prison for bootlegging beer. He’d already got 27 Moral Disruption Points against him so that was that, sent to the Detention Camp for Life Internment. Turns out he’d already been for Moral Re-Education three times and Aggie had met him after the last stint when he was behaving. Stupid girl!

God I really can’t be bothered with the party.

I’m old and my body gets really pissy with me when I muck around with it. But since they’ve arranged passes for the whole family and it’s unlikely that I will be around for the next time that happens, (physically or mentally), I think it should be okay and the kids always make me laugh. Though sometimes I suspect that what ‘I’m’ saying is probably more amusing. Half the time I think, they think, I’m making it up.

God I’m tired…

What was I saying?

Ooh lovely, it’s started to rain.

Yep, they’re they go, running around getting all the visitors and guests in. It doesn’t look yellow to me and the grass isn’t steaming but you never know. They have to be careful see. Us residents have great health insurance but you never can tell with the visitors. They do swipe their Health Cards when they sign in but one of the nurses was telling me that sometimes the system isn’t up-to-date and it causes all sorts of data re-analysis when someone gets hurt on the premises and doesn’t have the right cover.

I might just go back to my room for a bit, have a lie down and maybe a nap before lunch, listening to the rain will send me off no problem.

Mmm 40 winks, or in my case 90. Get up fresh as a daisy and maybe have a game of backgammon with old moaner. He always shuts up about how he’s seen it all when he knows he’s seen nothing compared to me.

But you know, on days like this, I really miss you.

Heavy rain outside, cuddling on the bed and pulling the blanket over us. No interruptions, just a lazy duvet day listening to the rain.

Can’t believe you’ve been dead for fifteen years.That’s one of the reasons I wished I’d been a bit more reckless when I was younger. What’s the point of being alive at ninety if everyone else your age is dead!

What was I saying… I suppose it doesn’t really matter… maybe I will have that nap.

Tags: changes, memory, reminiscing

This entry was published on Monday 2 February 2009 at 14:13. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.